Following protest today from London’s Black Cab drivers over Olympic lane use, LOCOG have announced that all transport to and from the London 2012 games will be undertaken on Banana Boats.
Sebastian Coe, leader of LOCOG and former Britain’s Got Talent quarter finalist, has explained, “Following months of heavy rain, the capital’s roads are basically rivers anyway. So when we heard that bus drivers transporting athletes were getting lost and Black Cab drivers were protesting over Olympic Lanes, we thought sod it, let’s do the whole shebang on Banana Boats.”
London Mayor Boris Johnson, former Club 18-30 holiday rep and self styled Beach Bum is said to be “delighted” at the move. “I absolutely love those parthenocarpic vessels of convivial jocundity. I can hardly stay abreast one of those treacherous maritime monstrosities for a second, but that says more about my helmsmanship than their ability to transport visitors around London,” added Johnson, “It is set to be a highlight of the Games seeing every Kraut, Frog, Eyetie and Yank be flung across the streets and sprawled into a heap at every corner of town.”
Coe, booted off BGT after his naked musical farting act was deemed inappropriate, continued, “We are aware that it is mathematically impossible to stay afloat a Banana Boat for more than 2.5 seconds at a time. However, we are confident that this is the best value solution for London’s visitors and commuters, and it is a massive improvement on the current public transport debacle we are currently experiencing.”