Science has found that men with facial hair are more than twice as likely to fall over than clean shaven men.
The discoveries were made by researchers at Stillbush University, North Carolina, who carried out controlled experiments on over 1500 men, monitoring their balance and accident rate.
Professor of Anthropology, Hank Strepsiliack explained, “Subjects were divided into categories: those who had pre-existing beard conditions, and also those who were generally clean-shaven. Tests showed that men from the pre-existing beard category generally had a lower balance index and a higher rate of falling or other incident than those from the clean-shaven category. Subjects from the clean-shaven category were then asked not to shave for 28 days, after which the tests were repeated. Remarkably, in 95% of subjects, their balance index was reduced and accident rates increased significantly. We even had to restrain some subjects who could hardly help themselves but to trip and fall out of nearby windows.”
There are several competing theories as to the cause of this phenomenon. Prof Strepsiliack continued, “Some believe that extra facial hair has an adverse affect on the aerodynamic properties of the human face. When wind blows into the face of a bearded man, the whiskers capture the breeze almost like a sail, sending disconcerting eddy currents into the beard-wearer, prompting a trip or fall. Another such theory is that the extra weight of the beard hair affects the posture and therefore balance of the beard-wearer, resulting in an increased likelihood of misfortune. However, coming from an expert in this field, my personal belief is that bearded men are just hippy-fied, blundering idiots with poor motor skills.”
It is not known whether the same phenomenon is evident in women. “We did try to carry out some test with female subjects,” added Prof Strepsiliack, “but frankly all those bearded women together made us feel a bit sick.”