In yet another explosively unbelievable story about death, dentists and sham marriages, we spoke to Jo Bates (not her real name*) about her experiences of being married to a cold blooded murderer.
It was almost ten years ago, in May 2004, when Jo Bates’ childhood dentist went missing. He’d gone to work as normal on that fateful Thursday morning and was never seen again. That was until his wedding ring turned up in Ms Bates’ pile of dirty washing a few weeks later. “I found a ring in amongst all my knickers and things, and I thought ‘that’s a bit funny’ but didn’t really ask really do anything about it. I just pocketed it and shoved my bras in on a cool wash, ‘cause they’re a bit old and delicate now.
"Then things started getting really weird. A finger here, a severed head there… I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong. I recognised the face but I didn’t know why; it had been years since I’d had my teeth looked at." Jo found much murderous paraphernalia around the house over the coming months, and even accompanied her husband on several late night drives where she had to help "load mysteriously heavy bundles into the boot of the car."
It wasn’t until April 2008. four years later, when it finally clicked for Jo that she was married to a murderer, “I was just chatting with my husband and he went, ‘Oh you remember when I murdered your childhood dentist…’ It was then that I realised he had been the one who had murdered my childhood dentist. It made so much sense. It all added up! I was married to a MURDERER!”
Jo’s new appearance*
Jo’s husband was convincted of over 90 murders last year, but was not implicated herself as the judge had “never before witnessed such mystifying stupidity”.
* Ms Bates wished to remain anonymous, so we had her surgically transformed into the exact double of Tom Waits. (Although quite why, given the uniqueness of this case, the high profile TV trial it had, and the fact this article will be published solely in prison inmate newsletters, is baffling).